Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve and counting

After looking closely at PB, very closely, I might add, I have seen that he is very decent. He has not broken my trust. I was bothered my the fact that he stayed on the Personals several months after we started dating and that I had to bring up him making his profile unsearchable. And then months alter asking him to delete it. I had hoped he would do it on his own.
But he did not.
So no matter what it was always on the back of my mind that he "was not that into me."
So I stayed very skeptical. But I have seen that he has been good. he has not been a shit. I know he had those days in his past, where he was not to be trusted. But like Barb says, "yeah, he's good to YOU."
And so far he is.
Like last night, I was inside reading and he was working in the shed. he asked me to come and run the drill. He really did not need me, but he wanted me around.
That felt good. Plus he held me much of the night, and we slept in this morning and there was more holding.
Its funny I remember how he told me in the beginning that he would start to push me away cos he needed to sprawl in bed. That never happened.
And so I am allowing myself to enjoy my time with him, and not worry about tomorrow.

As for Jack, he is learning to deal with it, atleast he says he is. I keep hoping he won't kill himself. I get so scared at times. he wants me back so very badly. but unless I am single again, and can get past all hurt he has done me, I do not see it happening. I love him so much. But I went for many many years with him rejecting me over and over. Now it his turn to wait and see. I do not know the future and cannot give him an answer.
I am hoping that PB and I have a long life together. We make each other so happy. We are both so alike in so many ways.

And the dog is pregnant again. I worry for her. She is so sweet and it is all my fault. The pups are due in 3 weeks. God I hope she makes it through it ok.

I think back about this month, the puppy I found and found a home for. The work I did. The worries I had. And still have. I guess I am just giving them a rest for a while.

Today I finished the toughest part of a long time project that had turned into a nightmare. Part One leaves Friday. The customer who hated me a few months ago, is now quite happy. I can only hope he stays that way.
Plus I am finishing up a painting, and it looks good. I think the customer will be pleased. I know I am.
PB is getting cabinets for our new shop. I will have two shops now. One I share with Jack and I shared with PB.
Truthfully it bothers me a little, I hope PG is not with me cos of what I do. he says it is far more than that.
I look at Mike and he has been with Cole for 4 years now. I know she would not be with him if he was not who or what is is. So who knows, no easy answers. See what i mean about trust?
PB is finishing up his hsopping later today.

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