Saturday, July 24, 2010

Who Gives a Flying F%@% about Tommy Hifiger?

One of the bigest problems with our society is nothing is ever enough. We as a society can't get enough of the lifestyles of the rich. We live vivariously through them. I'm not exception, or at least I was not. Was being the operative word. There's no escape from it. On Yahoo's main page the top story was Tomy Hilfger's new home. I did not click on it, cos I don't care.
What am I concerned with today? Nothing. My mind was free. I relaxed in the morning, cuddled with PB, watched Romancing the Stone. Then put in a few hours working in the shop. And now this afternoon, I cleaned the kitchen and made chicken cordon blu with marinated tomatoes from the garden. As I cooked I watched "The Russians are Coming," an old movie from 1964.

The simple life. Not wanting more. Just happy and very thankful for what I have. A home, a wonderful man, sweet children in my life like my stepson and my 2 godsons. Living for the now. Happy in the moment.

So many years spent wanting more. We live from want to want. Not me. Not anymore.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Ah the Rollercoaster!

This time yesterday I was luxuriating in the thankfulness that my shop has a somewhat healthy workload. A miracle in this dismal economy. My head was free from the cloud of stess and worry for the first time in years.
Then today PB comes home from work and annouces he's been laid off again. 3 times in 1 year. Sure he'll be able to help me and hopefully he'll get called back to work before too long. There's no plumbing jobs out there. The pickins are mightly slim. So again I need to try and build my business up enough to support two people.

I'm not feeling awful or anything. I'll be fine. Its just the up and down of the rollercoaster. Nope don't like it. Life's challenges? Nope, I've had enough challenges, enough for several lifetimes. Smooth routines, no bad surprises. That's what I need.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Better Sunday

It was the first normal sort of Sunday in many months. There was no ovewhelming feeling of tension weighing down, crushing my spirit. I was cooking in the kithen, watching the movie, "Country." Its about the farming crisis of the 80s'.
The veggies from the garden have been piling up. The poor garden has been so neglected for the past month. Weeks of being in the shop from 7am to 9 pm, so beat by 9pm, thatbythe time I clean the shop and come inside, there's nothing left. I barely cooked meals. The house began to get that cluttered, untidy effect.
But startng this week my work schedule is getting more managable. And that has made all the difference.
I picked a bunch of sweet banana peppers, cabano and anahiam peppers, a zuccinni, a boatload of tomatoes. I sauteeded them up. Then pounded some chicken breast flat, and rolled them up with ham and swiss cheese, dipped in milk and rolled in seasoned bread cumbs and baked that for 30 minutes. had some tomatoes and cucumbers marinating in salad dressing.
Cleaned the kitchen.
Than PB and I sat down at the table and had Sunday dinner for the first time in over a month. yeah, when we have his son, we have dinner at the table, but not that much.
It all felt good after so many months of stress. The stress was tearing me up, beating me down.
I think of a friend of mine, who is getting ready for a trade show in a few weeks. I know all too well how hard that will be when you wait until the last minute to get ready. Trying to accomplish several months worth of work in 3 weeks. It is something that feels like pure hell.
I was thinking how awful it would feel to be in that posistion. It made me feel so good to be where I am. Sure I won;t be at the show and I'll miss the networking an excitement, but hell, it feels great to not have that brutal weight hanging over me.
I had lunch with my nieces last Friday. It was a simple thing, go to their new apartment and them go to lunch at Red Robin. Then we went back to their place and talked
and laughed.
And it felt wonderful. For the first time in a long time, the stress of work was not crushing me constantly.

As for my personal life, it has been wonderful lately. PB has been so sweet and supportive.
But sitting here on a lazy Sunday, life feels worth living.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Not sure

Not sure how to feel about my personal life. Too many questions. Trust is a hard thing when you have a past like mine. So much betrayal. I wonder if total trust will ever be possible.
I have a friend like me, how she gets through it all, I don't know. She too is a giver but somehow is not as sensitive as me.
But now is not the time for getting lost in it. I have too much to lose as far as business goes. Bills must be paid. I have to take care of myself. No one there to do it for me. No one to fall back on. There never has been, not really. No parents, no family.
Most people I know, like Martha, always have someone, she has her ex hes always is there to bail her out.
I just have to keep going, keep strong, and somehow, things will work out one way or another.