Saturday, February 28, 2009

What a month!!

PB and I went fishing in the rain yesterday. We had the lake all to ourselves. It was the first time we have fished together and the first time I have fished since 1986. We had a wonderful time. It reminded me of the time we wereout in the rain putting up the supports for the addition roof. I stood there in the rain with a flashlight while he screwed the supports in at 11 pm.
This past month was unrral. Kids, grandbabies, family, 8 puppies, then of course my usual fuckl;oad of winter work and of course a brutal deadline for daytona , oh and then there is the frickin book I am writing that is way behind deadline and my editor is having shitfits. I don't blame him one bit.
I would get up at 5am. Fix and pack PB's lunch, go to my house, fix and pack the ex's lunch and send him off to work, then I would work till 5pm, fedd puupies and take care of the dogs, make the ex's dinner, leave and go to PB's where I would clean up after the kids, make dinner, play with the baby, and then passout with PB. Then there was dealing with my friends, and trying to deal with the super drama bullshit that the kids were into.
It was the most intense 2 weeks of my life in a long time. And I loved every minute of it. Yeah I could have done with the fuckload of work.

I love my life with PB. Sometimes I think we are in love. I pretty much know I am in love with him. I don't know how how feels about me. Valantine's Day was not too happy. There were no I love yous, in fact I almost walked out the door.
I almost walked out the door again last weekend. He told me I have to stop this leaving stuff. He holds me alot. But doesn't talk to me. He just pulls me into him and holds me.
He is very shook up and upset about his boy being deployed to Iraq. It is on his mind constantly.
But the good news with us is I think he wants to stay with me for a long time. He, at times, talks about the long term. maybe he is admitting there will be one for us.
I just know that when I look at his face, my heart melts all over again. Something in those eyes.

Anyhow, 5 puppies left yesterday and 1 today. 2 more to go. It was so funny with them. Yesterday they all bounced and bounded across the floor. Now 6 of them have gone to their news homes. Now there are only 2 left. I think I found them good homes.

Now it is time to start my day...again. Got to drive to Atlanta tomorrow and then get back here cos I am meeting the ex wife. Long day. Long day everyday. So today, get the parts ready dor daytona, then work on the book. Of course there will be taking care of puppies and dogs, then going to PB's in the late afternoon .. oh shit that's right, I have to go over there there this morning and start the BBQ in the slow cooker! Then back here to work. Tonight I will be in my baby's arms, him wrapped around me as I fall asleep.
But that's my life. And I like it.
Now to lose this enourmous ass I have accumulated this winter.

Friday, February 6, 2009


And it is finally happening, the days are getting longer. It seemed just yesterday, it was dark shortly after 5pm and now it is 6 and the sky is filled with that reassuring glow. I guess its a big part of why I feel better. Those long dark days of winter, that weren't so dark but they were so unpleasantly quick. I relish these days. I made it through a winter with PB. God I love my life with him. It feels like a brand new life. Like the way life used to feel so very long ago.

This is the first year since 2000 that I have not been to a m/c trade show this weekend in Feb. It feels weird as everyone is there in Cinci. I guess Cinci is my favorite m/c event. Its quick. 2 1/2 days of very intense custom bike stuff. Most everyone and everything is there. See` the newest and network with everyone you need to.

Crazy weekend ahead with PB's family. Not as long as we hoped I am sad to say. He needs this.

Jack does not feel good. He is still sad. I wish he weren't.
There are no guarantees in anything I tell him. I care for him. I can't change what happened. many years of almost.