6:30 am

PB got called back to work today. He's been laid off since Labor Day Weekend '09. He was sad as he can't spend all day helping me in the shop anymore. It really got his attention that what he enjoyed for the past 7 months is over for now.

So it is back to the little routine I knew when I first met him. Back then Jun 08, PB had his little life, his little routine that he followed most days. Every morning he'd get up at 5:15am, get dressed, make and pack his lunch and midmorning snack into his soft sided cooler and fill his football travel mug with coffee. He'd be out the door by 6. He'd get home by 5, take a nap, then go on the computer and look on the personals and play poker online. Every other Friday night, he's play poker at his buddy's house. He did not expect much from life and was happy with what he had. His dad even had a little place at the lake, but PB never used it. It would deviate from the routine, and he did not think that far.
He was happy in his simple life. Once when he was much younger, he'd had dreams, but like many of us, those dreams had evaporated and were mostly forgotten.

Then I came along. For the most part his life remained unchanged. I craved a normal simple life. I envied the routine he had and embraced it. New love fills a person's body with crazed hormones. You don't sleep, you lay there at night, trying to fall asleep, you don't eat, you don't know why. All you do know is that the entire world now revolves around that new person, and nothing else matters. At least that's the way it was for me.

I'd lay there awake, laying next to the most beautiful man I'd ever seen, cuddled up to him, hoping against hope, that I would get to always be there with him. Everything was fresh and new.

And I wake up with him every morning at 5:15, make and pack his lunch, kiss him good morning and after he'd left for work, clean the kitchen and start my day. It was as if I was fresh and new again. 25 years old with my whole life ahead of me, not 48 and too many miles of bad road behind me.

I had not willingly woken up that early since 1984 when I lived on the Connecticut River in a 200 yr old farmhouse. I'd wake up with a cup of tea and climb out onto the porch roof and watch the sun rise over the endless fields across the street. 26 years later, those fields are gone, covered by a shopping mall and office buildings, hell, even the farmhouse was torn down in Nov.
But in the almost two years since PB and I met, his life has changed quite a bit. The lake place he never used? We use it alot. And some of those lost dreams became reality. He has his own Harley. He has been to quite a few bike events, like Daytona Bike week, The VTwin Expo, The Big Mountain Run, Mountain Fest. Even SEMA in Las Vegas. And he has hung and partied with some of the best people in the industry.
But with those adventures and dreams, come the dues. You must pay dues. Not everyone has the cahonies for that. Long hours in the shop, things going wrong, and the awful hours it takes to fix them, dealing with the financial realities of the custom business. Not many of us get rich, and many who do, well, they had "previous endeavours" that made them the resources that paid the bills.

The wild hormones of new love have faded. Each night, I sleep like a 4 yr old after a day at the amusement park. I eat too much as I am happy, for the first time in my life, I have become fat. The kitchen is not always sparklingly clean. PB's home no longer feels like a full on miracle each day. It is my home and I am used to it.

But I do take it all for granted? No.

PB and I are in deep love. The kind of love that we hope new love turns into. Each time I look at him, its like looking at him for the first time. I see this incredibly sexy man, who is so sweet and so beautiful inside and out. My heart melts all over again.

We gave each other what the other one needed. I gave wings to his dreams and believed in him. He gave me something that I had never known, real love, that cuddles me at night, that makes me tea each morning, that fusses over me as if I were a princess. That tries to protect me from the bad old world.

Its getting light out side. I'll take out my bicycle and do about 8 miles. I haven't done my morning workout since May 09. But now its all changed. each morning, I'll rise at 5, make my man his lunch, send him off to work, then clean the kitchen and do my workout, taking in all the beauty that a home in the country offers. Then I'll have my breakfast and get out into the shop.

I'm 50 years old and I have my whole life ahead of me.

Sunny Daze...

It was so cold this past winter, it actually seemed as if it would never end. Then to go to Daytona and have it be the coldest Daytona Bike Week I had ever been to (since 1993.) So it is a wonderful thing to have temps here in Cane Creek, NC in the 60s and 70s. Sunday it rained but I still had to do some riding gear testing so off PB and I went, had to take riding pics for the magazine article. There's so many very cool places to use as backdrops for photos. Taking riding pics are harder than it looks. You can take 20 pics and if you get one great one, you're lucky. But it is always fun to go riding with him, discovering the backcountry around here.
But I am loving the new FXRG gear, its mostly all it was cracked up to be. Plus I now have a Nolan helmet. Between that and the gear, I feel like I can ride though anything.

Never thought I would be digging on a full face helmet but so far, I am hooked. Plus my face will now be saved. 30 plus years of riding have done a number on my skin. (flapping down the road. I hate that.)

Martha did not stop by either of my places this past weekend. So hell yes. She caused me so much stress last week in a way that only family can do.

This Saturday I am riding across SC to my first Motor Maids meeting. Its supposed to be sunny and cold, high 61. But I'll be warm and comfy behind my helmet and under my gear. Its amazing how much having this stuff has changed the way I ride. I enjoy riding in any kind of weather.
And riding across SC is one of my favorite rides. Its like riding through the Twilight Zone. All these little backwater towns straight out of 1960. So many neat old houses and barns. So much history. I haven't gotten to do this particular ride in many years. So I'm looking forward to it. Plus I get to meet the other members in my district. PB can't go as he has his younger son this weekend. First time I have ridden alone on a long ride since PB started riding.

Meanwhile I dream of weekends at the lake. Yes, I am happy and enjoying these days. Who knows when hell may arrive?

Quickie for the Day

1) PB installed a brick path to the shop from the backporch. It looks incredible. He has such an attention to detail when he does anything. he's now getting ready to put in a small flowerbed for us. For our two rose bushes, a cornflower plant and a few other perrinials.
2) Martha might be coming into town this weekend. I dread if she decides to stop by. Her bipolar problem has taken her over. It is very ugly.
3) I just need a good long 8 or so weeks with no traveling. I love where I am at, I love where my life is at these days. of course there's always problems to deal with, but traveling just makes it all harder. I will not be flying anywhere for a while.

Peacefulness

The prissy little Goth cat is sleeping on the loveseat and I just finished doing some computer drawings. Z dog is on squirrel watch keeping the woods safe from squirrel rampages. PB is out in the shop working. He has such an attention to detail when he works. It seems so strange. As if it was meant to be. All those years of working alone, carrying the weight of my business by myself. And here I meet this man who sure has hell seems to be all I ever wanted. Well most of what I wanted in a life partner. He's sweet, loving, considerate, passionate, artistic, loves to cuddle, likes most things I like, enjoys having adventures but likes to stay home. Plus I find him incredibly gorgeous. After almost 2 years, I am still completely goofy over him.

A buddy of mine asked me if PB minded that I rode a badassed custom chopper and PB rode a pretty much stock 1200 sporty. The friend said, no way could he do that, that his woman would have cooler bike than him.

I told him PB was not like that. He is secure enough in his manhood that he is proud to have a woman with such a cool bike. Male pride is a complex thing. Or maybe not. Most men in my life were very proud, but any successes I had seemed to bother them to the point where they would try and bring me down. They'd say mean, demeaning things to make themselves feel better.

The young Pony Girl put up with that. At least for a while.

But the main thing, is PB is happy to have the life he has with me. Thankful to even have a bike. To have a job working on motorcycles.

It is another thing PB and I have in common, we both know how lucky we both are to have each other and the life we share together. I look around our little house, and the atmosphere is one of peacefulness. Sometimes it surrounds me and makes me feel a security that I have never known before.

I know I can let the darkside of life get me down at times, but this winter had a tendency to do that.

Sunshine and Dr T's Favorite Subject

Zoey Dog is barking like crazy. The squirrels are going rouge. Just like Sarah Palin. PB and I are back from Daytona. We froze our butts off down there. Standing at the Broken Spoke, watching Gallager with Jay, then riding back to my buddy's house. Laying there in bed, wondering if I would ever be warm again.
But we arrived home to find it sunny and warm in old NC. We had a very good time there and we almost did not go. Its too easy to be scared these days. What with the economy, strange news stories, and such. Dr Hunter Thompson called it 'The Fear.'
But we went. On the way down, the main reason for my trip was looking like it might not happen. Business these days is a gamble, and I decided to take a gamble and go anyway. It was a trip that was more successful than I had expected. There were a few nice surprises and even with the cold weather, I had a smile on my face most of the time.

There is scary talk these days. I stay away from watching or reading the news. Many of the middle class jobs in this country are gone. Will they be back? Who knows?
Shows on tv that also can frighten or rather, put things in stark perspective. One of them is "Life After People." And last night we watched a show on Nat Geo also about the planet without people.
The bottom line? Our life is but a blink of the eye. We race around hither thither, somehow thinking all we do matters in a much bigger way than it actually does. The powerful greedhogs who manipulate government policies so they can become even richer, what a waste. And the current state of our country here is a testament to that very thing. The sun will still rise and set and then do whatever nature intends, and there is nothing they can do about it. Not one damn thing. They cannot live forever. They can only con themselves into thinking so.

So I'll look out into the woods that lay behind the house and savor the golden sunlight streaming through the trees. I'll watch silly tv shows like "America's Next Top Model" and relax. I'll take weekend trips on the bikes with PB, into the mountains and have fun playing on the curves. I'll take my godsons on playdates and smile and laugh. I'll spend weekends at the shack at the lake and be thankful for every golden moment at that incredible place.
I'll look into PB's amazing blue eyes and wonder how I ever got so lucky to share a life with that precious man.

Reminds me of that line from 'Moonstruck,' where Cher says her ring is only temporary and her mom replies, "Everything is temporary.'

You got to enjoy and savor it while you can. We're only human.