Reading my Old Posts From Dec 2008.

Wow. Its pretty amazing. First off I had no idea I had over 100 posts. So much in the future I did expect. Like to still be with PB. I had so many uncertainties in my life at that as so much was changing. The ex was suicidal. My business was in the toilet. PB still had not told me he loved me or given me a key to his house. I had no money. My dog was pregnant and I had no idea if she would be ok and if I'd be able to find homes for all the puppies. Would my brother still be an asshole. But some how I made it through all that. I would just tell myself that somehow it would be OK. And there were some pretty awful times ahead of me Which, had I known about, I would had given up completely.

But I did not give up.

PB did I tell me loved me almost a year later.
He did give me a key to his house, 2 months later with the comment it was not to keep permanently, but it was.
The ex did not kill himself. He is thriving.
My business went downhill for another two years before it improved.
All the puppies found homes.
My brother became a bigger asshole but I still love him.

Somehow I've made it this far. It's wild looking back.

2 am and Life is Flying By

I haven't posted in a while. I have no idea if anyone is still reading this blog, but if you are here's what's been happening. Last winter was hell. 2011 had some good moments and some pretty awful moments, but nothing even half as awful as 2010. God there were some moments, most of which were my own fault. Much of the time, those suicide inducing moments are a result of our own bad decisions. The hell of winter 2009 and 2010, my own fault. Both times, I took in jobs that I should have never even considered doing.

And my gut told me not to do them, but I took in the jobs anyway. I remember many early mornings in Jan 2010, waking up knowing that the work I had done the previous day was all for nothing, and there was no way the job could be done. I had tried to do the impossible. I was getting in deeper and deeper until I was drowning.

And here, almost 2 years later, life feels great because that hell is over.

So what is going on you ask? Here's a list of good and bad.
Good Things About 2011

1) PB and I are still together. We are both fatter but happy. I am on a diet sorta.
2) Business is better than in the last 3 years. Thank God.
3) I may be writing another book if my publisher doesn't lay off everyone in the company before they pay me my advance.
4)Most of my customers are pretty awesome. I need a break from the Satans on earth.
5) My stepsons and i get along better.
6) My grandson called me grandma. I love that cos I never thought it would happen.
7) Bought a kayak.
8) Excellent business trip to Vegas.
9) Life feels good. And I am loving that feeling.

And Now The Bad Things

1) I only rode 3 times this year. Riding into town and back doesn't count.
2) Did not ride the chopper at all this year.
3) Only went to the lake 3 times. But loved every minute of it kinda. See #4 below.
4) Got bit by a brown recluse spider in August when I finally went to the lake. Was sick for over a month.
5) Got poison ivy all over my arms. It last 2 months.
6) Got heat stroke and was sick for 6 weeks.
7) did not lose nearly as weight as I wanted.
8) My friend Martha is worse than ever. Crazy as bat shit and 100 times more mean.
9) The customer from hell did come into my life again. He reported me to the Better Business Bureau. He wrote them. Long letter full of lies. I wrote them back with the truth. The good news they sided with me. The bad news, my spotless record now has an entry where someone was unhappy. I hope nothing good happens to him. The man almost drove me to close my shop.

But right now I feel good, feel positive and hopeful. And that is a good feeling.

The Day After Hell

There's something about a rainy day. A timeless, mystical feel. You can sleep in all day. The sound of the rain on the roof, lulling you to rest, more so than sleeping pill. I had a good day yesterday, after a week of hell. Delivered a bike to a customer and he was quite pleased and it felt so good. Came home and watched a couple of movies, one of my old favorites was on. "The Thing" with Kurt Russell.
Last night was the first time in over a week that my head had not been pounding from a migraine.
And I am smiling and feeling positive and at peace. Without the aid of Zanax.

For the ladies who read my blog, I have been spending time at a different blog. One where I really kind of let loose. Its sorta fun and free spirited with women over the age of 40 in mind.
wordpress.com/
I think I'm gonna let the Zoey Dog out and see if the creek behind the house is filling up. Gonna stand in front of the picture window in the shop and soak in the view of the gorgeous woods behind the shop. I get off on things like that. Peace, quiet, natural beauty, the sounds of life. Its what I live for. What makes life worth all the hassles we go through in our daily lives. Hopefully it will stop raining later today and I can sneak in an hour or two of kayaking as it will be pretty cool with the water so high from the rain.

I don't like Hell. I don't want to go back there.

Hell

Living in hell doesn;t leave much time for blogging. And hell is where I have been. Oh sure there's been nice days, where the sun tries to break thru, but alas it doesn't last and the dark cloud covers my world.
But my dark cloud has a name. I wonlt share it here but I will say he is a bully. Bullies are everywhere. They could be your spouse, a family member, a nasty neighbor, a co worker, a boss or in case, client or customer.
To make matters worse, he is a bi polar bully. he made my life hell on and off since mid Nov. It got so bad, I could not longer even look at his emails or answer his calls. PB had to take over any contact with him.
I cannot count the pounding, nausiating migrains this sicko has caused me. The hour long phone calls over ridiculous things. The fights it caused me with PB. PB says i have not been myself for the past 2 months. That I have become this negative dark creature.
But yesterday I sent off the whacko's project. But not without another migraine. After dropping off the packages at UPS at 6:30 pm, I puked next to my truck. It was that bad. The migraine was at a mindpounding peak. PB and I then drove to KFC, got some food to go, then we went home and I popped 2 Zanax and knocked myself out. PB was acting very cold and distant, not like him at all. I wondered how the hell this bully had totally taken over my life.
Like a vampire I had allowed him to suck all the good out of my life.
But I pray he just leaves me alone.

In fact I do not want to waste another moment even thinking about it.