The Rat Shit Times

I think I only have one reader now and I guess I am posting this post for her and I. My ex friend sent me a mean email. It tore me up and gave me sharp tummy pains for a few days. I will not respond to her at all. Why?

Cos to respond would be like throwing gas on a fire than is almost out. I have enough to deal with. So I wrote her a letter this morning. And only one person other than me can read it. Here it is.

Irene,

I have thought much about the email you sent me. There are all kinds of things I would like to say to you. But for right now, its just not worth it.

You continually replay and relive all the wrongs that feel have been done to you. But what about the wrongs you have done to others? You think its right how you treat people?

I am done this time. I will treasure all the good memories I have of you but I will not allow you back into my life to hurt me anymore. Your children and family do not have the choice. The good part of you taught your girls compassion. They love you enough to allow the abuse you inflect. Yes it is abuse.

What makes it right for you rip my life apart and judge me? Condem me over small things like me not telling my David my real age or just how messed up my life was when we were first together? Why is it ok for you tell little white lies when you need to? Why???

Why is it ok to bash your David over and over for years?

But it is ok for Jimmy to treat me the way he did for 14 years? Yes and it was ok for Richie to treat me the way he did or Doug or Derek?

Did I deserve that? It was ok for them to cheat on me, to be mean and abusive to me? To blow their money on drugs and such and ok for me to pay all the bills?

But we are all supposed to throw you a non stop pity party cos you went through abuse?

So I see, I am not as good as you.

It was ok for me parents to treat me like a slave and use me to pay their bills and to take out all their anger and bitterness on me as a little child?

It was ok for me to do everything I could for them, at the expense of my own life, and then have them tell vicious lies about me to people?

And the thing is, I dont talk about it much. In fact, my david has knew none of it. Not a thing of the nightmares I have known. I don't care to relive it. To live that way is not a ife worth living.

But I think I see why you feel the way you do.

I see it now very clearly.

You are better than me. You always have been. In your mind I will always be the low rent white trash. It ok for me to suffer but when you suffer, we all have to stop and devote ourselves to you.

Your hurt is much more significant than mine cos you are better than me.

I was always the bum biker low rent loser friend.

When my parents died I got a few dishes, a table, and a 10 yr old cat that hated me.

You got $170,000 when your parents died plus possessions.

And you spent most of it in a year.

When I separated from Jimmy I got half of a house (that I don’t live in) with 80,000 owed on it. I got my possessions that I had paid for. I still had credit card bills. I still had to work my ass off. And now I have to help Jimmy with his bills for utilities, electric, and phone. I pay for his health insurance. And pay his medical bills. And I do not complain about it. I am happy that I can even do it.

You got a whole house with less than $40,000 owed on it, a car you did not buy, all your possessions and $20,000. And David pays you.

I work most days of the week and most hours of the day. As well as taking care of two houses, and cooking and cleaning and taking care of my family.

You do not even have to work anymore. And no, working around the house and in the yard is not the same as working for a living and you know it.

So nothing has changed in all these years, you are still Princess Irene, with everyone owing you ………..as your hurt and pain is so much more significant than anyone elses’ hurt and pain.

Stay away from me. I have suffered enough in my life. Enough suffering and pain for 10 lifetimes. But I don’t bring up everyday or every week or month or year. I go on with my life trying to make it better.

You say you can get past it as to do that would make the hurt and pain be right. So in your mind everyone has to suffer along with you and walk on eggs or else you’ll go off like a bomb.

You have no idea how horrible it can be when you are in “one of your moods.”

KNOW THIS – YOU ARE AN ABUSER. YOU DEVALUE your girls each time you throw one of your fits. You think cos you spent lots of money of them AFTER, that it means that you love them and its ok.

Humm, lets see, you throw a screaming fit that last for an hour or two, yelling horrible mean things and then buys your girls dinner or gifts or in some way spent money on them.

And that makes it ok in your eyes?

You are an abuser. You have become the very thing that you complain nonstop about.

You say I am mean and cruel? No I am not. I did lie to David about a few things and I have since told him the truth. But only a few things did I lie about.

You have no right to throw stones and judge how I live my life. No right what so ever.

And I have never judged you. Never………………If you think I have, then you are wrong or misinformed.

As for that fit you threw at the graduation? It was not justified and you humiliated your family. And yes, it was you. You did not take the higher road. You made 2 of your girls cry that day.

You enjoy making them cry. You do it all the time. That is mean and cruel.

And everyone is very tired of hearing about the how you had to live with rat shit. If that is the worst thing ever in your life………you silly spoiled bitch. Big fuckn deal. We all have ”rat shit” times in our lives. But we don’t throw screaming crying fits for 3 years after it

happened.

Good bye.