Broken hand and Sturgis musings

I haven't writien in a while and things happen at a fast pace around here. So here are some quickly written highlights.

I did not go to Sturgis this year. Mostly cos I did not want to leave the boyfriend behind again. This relationship is very important to me. Sure I should have gone and networked and stood next to the latest bike I worked on, while it made appearances at shows, and got all kinds of publicity but even if I did want to go. I couldn't have gone. As I broke my hand coming back from the Mountain Fest rally last month. The ex went and he had a great time doing his Hamster stuff. And I was very happy for him. Arlen liked his new bike, actually everyone did and that made me feel good. the last year has been hard for him and it makes me happy to see him settling into his life without me.

It was hard not being there in Sturgis. I kept up on Facebook with many of my friends who were there. I heard Steven Tyler was an ass at Lichter's party. Yeah last week was rough. My heart was in the Black Hills, carving up Spearfish canyon. Hell not even Jose was there. Not the same without the crew from PR.

Bruce Rossmeyer died in a bike wreck exactly one year and a day after Click Baldwin died in the very same way. Trying to pass a vehicle turning into a campground. Neither man had been wearing a helmet. Now I have never been a big fan helmets, growing up in a no helmet law state, did not even own one till I went to Fla in '94. But after Click's wreck I wore my DOT helmet all the time and I am glad I did as my little go-down in West Virginia? I hit my head and yeah I had a bit of a concussion and was slightly foggy for a week but if i had not been wearing it? Who knows? So I wear the helmet. I hate it, but I wear it. Bruce was a rare person, a rich guy who shared his wealth.

PB and I went to the Coldplay concert. He bought me tickets for our anniversary. It was incredible. We tailgated munching on bacon sauteed shrimp, brocolli salad and chocalate covered cherries. PB even made me a pitcher of Cosmos. He got me a glowy bracelet and held me as I rocked to the music. The music could not have been better.

My hand is healing but it is still not 100% and that scares me as I make a living with that hand. This sucks.

I smoked a pork roast yesterday. First time ever. I have had my smoker for 10 years now and never used it. It came out wonderful. The taste? Just perfect. In fact I am about to go and zap a plate of it right now along with some sauteed green beans. I'll write more tomorrow about the West Virgina trip as it was quite an adventure. One I am literally still recovering from.

Oh yeah and PB finally told me what I needed and wanted to hear.

Life

I realize most of my posts have been about my love life, but hey, after 35 or so years of kissing bad frogs, I finally got a good one. Hell, most women's magazines are sold on the basis of how to snag and keep that handsome man. And how to deal with it when ya don't. People are getting frickin rich off this shit. And me, depressed, fat, (well bigger than I have ever been) get this awesome man. And I am enjoying it.

As for life, I have lots of comments about that. So quickly

The economy sucks. Whose fault? Lots of greedy people who have way too much money to begin with and they want more. Send the illegals home and put Americans to work with the jobs that are left.

The war? Hey those soilders are the only working class americans making money. And they are doing a hard job. too bad the real money was made by, you guessed it, greedy rich people who already had too much money. The Gordon Geckos won that war.

This country? Run by the greedy.

So I stay in my little place in the woods and hang onto my life and hope for things to get better. But I am gonna try to finish remaking my life. Gonna get back into my art and start writing again. maybe I can sell a romance novel and pay my bills for a few years.

This week? Hoping to finish up a few things and create some new work. Spend time with the Linds and the Chase next week. And gonna try and start ebaying the excess.
Oh yeah, PB's place at the lake is wonderful. I love it.

In Love

Lots has happened since I last wrote. And no time to get into it all. I live full time with PB. We had our 1 year anniversary. Still trying to balance time with my old home and family. MA says I am torn apart trying to take care of two homes. I guess I am.
But it is worth it. I remember when I was so scared of not being with PB. Not knowing what was going on.
he gives me as much as he can. Still no I love you from him and i have no said it either. But I feel it so very deeply. I love this beautiful, very sweet man. I pray I can share the rest of my life with him. I still look at him and my heart stops.
As for him I think he feels very secure with me. Knowing he has a good woman who will take good care of him and treasure him.

What the gas pump said

Ok, here's the story behind the gas pump thing. Except for a very short time, my life has always been a mess. I mean my whole life from birth on. Sure alot of it was my parent's fault, but after age 23 when I finally moved out on my own, it was my own fault. I ended up in situations. Living from crisis to crisis.
Then back in '94, I was in the midst of just such a situation and I was filling up the car. Those messages that run across the LCD screen on the pump? usually they say thanks for filling up with crapo gas? It read, "If you want to escape your problems, then solve them."
I read it several times, and by the time I finished filling, then paid, the message had gone back to the regular message of try our great coffee or some kind of bullshit like that.
Now I know it sounds crazy, me in the middle of a crisis and the pump telling me what i needed to hear. Did it really read like that. Yes, it did. i know what i saw.
Now here, 15 years later, my life has been in crisis for a few years now. I have been following the gas pumps advice for about 8 months now. Solving the problems in my life, instead of simply trying to escape them.

The Being Happy Thing

Strange thoughts on a wild strange day. Its about 4:30 Sunday afternoon and I'm sitting on David's back porch, on the streened in side. Its pouring rain out side and I'm writing on the computer. David is inside napping. soon I'll wake him. We just back from the Smoke Out. Rode about 100 miles from Rockingham. Got hit by the rain once, a real downpour. Completely soaked. Nothing like a riding a hardtail chopper with a short rear fender in the rain. You just have to laugh. It cleared up a bit and we stopped and I changed into dry clothes. Made it the rest of the way with a a few sprinkles. Now its raining for the real, the raining like a mutherfucker all day long, kind of rain.
My editor has my book ready for me to review but it is Sunday and I no longer work on Sundays.
The Smoke Out was ok. Some people were jerks to me, others were unreal awesome nice. But I knew in advance some people were gonna be asses due to the ex.
Don'tknow what the week ahead will be like and don't really care. It's Sunday, my day off. I had to starr having real Sundays or I would have finished losing my mind.
Saw that Michael Jackson has skin cancer. The dude was the king back in the 80's, and a sick nightmare joke ever since.
Sabel Star died last month but that is a blog post all in itself. For another time. Last year I has just gotten back the Smoke Out. I had ridden about 200 hard miles on the chopper. I was beat but I had a hot date that I could not miss out on. I had been excited for days leading up to it. I mean I couldn't believe he was even gonna meet me for that date. I had not met him in person yet.
Now I'm gonna walk in the house and wake him up. We're gonna go for Chinese food at the same we ate a year ago. That Sunday night after the '08 Smoke Out changed my life. I am happy. Its ok to be happy.

Home?

1) I'm sitting on my bed, on the red fushia cotton sheets that feel so crisp. With my old patchwork quilt on the bed. With the headboard that MaryAnn and I found, that she wheeled and dealed for, and that we somehow got wrapped up and loaded into the truck in the pouring rain. So many stories behind the items around me. This is my home, my room. I never knew I could feel so unsecure here in my home. Bart was right. He sure was.
I feel safer at PB's. Its been 3 weeks atleast since I spent a night here.

2) I got nervous with PB again. He is getting tired of it and I have to stop. He is so good to me. Wonderful week with him. He is such a good man it seems. My hero in a white tank top with a bouquet of gardenias.

3)Wonderful dinner with the girls. They were so funny.

4)PB is pretty upset about the job. First it was the boy going away, now this.

5)I cleaned my closet tonight. Found all kinds of things that were lost. I'm bringing order to my life. I crave it - order. Being able to enjoy my life. PB is all about order. I like that about him.

6)I been running most mornings. It feels so good to run in the woods again. PB is worried I might get jumped. I'm being so careful.

7) I have simply decided to enjoy my life with him. I treasure that sweet incredible man. I am concerned he has me on a pedestal. I am so lucky to be with him and I tell him all time. I hope he is not too good to be true.

Morning at Heaven

Not much time to write. Peaceful mornings hiking on the trails. Haven't done that since 1994. Wonderful weekend with PB riding down to lake greenwood. I feel good about life in general. Good talk with PB Sunday night. I feel so much better. He was so beautiful holding me out there in the moonlight, pledging his devotion.
I think that was wonderful to him also. He texted me to that effect.
Jack is weird as usual. I think his pacience is running short. Not used to not getting what he wants.

I like my life. I like it better than I have in a long time. It feels so good. I am happy.
PB got sunburned yesterday. His body is still so incredible. Even with a burn.